Why I Wish I Could Start My Life Again And Why You Need To Stop Listening To The Lizard

The arrival of my niece Scarlett Audrey has stirred emotions in me I never thought existed. She is exquisite, beautiful and unlike any newborn child I’ve ever seen. She really is precious and angelic and I want to protect her as best I can.

That is my mission.

My brother and his wife have indeed created an exquisite human being.

I look at Scarlett and admire her. I admire her for being completely untarnished. She does not have a belief system, she’s unscathed and she hasn’t been influenced or educated yet (although I realize she is probably being influenced sub-consciously). She’s in the perfect position to start afresh. She has the ability and the power right now to create whatever life she wants.

In a strange kind of way I envy Scarlett. There are times I wish I could start my life over and turn the clock back in many ways. I would be lying if I didn’t admit I have regrets. While I have led an incredible life thus so far and I know I am fortunate than many other people, there are things I would do differently. I would have moved to Melbourne immediately after university, I would have continued living overseas longer than I did, I wish I wasn’t as eager to please so many people, I wish I was more career-driven in my 20’s, I wish I made more eye contact, I wish I had set goals, I wish I wasn’t so shy and I wish had the confidence to ask that cute boy for a drink.

I wanted to be a journalist or an advertising executive when I was in high school. I did photography in my final year.

I wish I had never let my damn insecurities affect me the way they did.

I wish I was 10 years younger. I know that’s impossible now but it’s the truth.

Most of all, I wish I never listened to the lizard brain.

I disagree with anyone who says it’s wrong to set goals. I know for a fact if I was a more focused, goal-driven person in my early 20’s, my life would be very different than what it is today.

Seth Godin is a genius. If you haven’t read any of his books, you should pick this one up. Linchpin is what I’m reading now and in it he says when we are kids, beautiful art – questions, curiosity and spontaneity – poured out of us. Then as we got older, resistance started to kick in. Thanks to disorganised hazing by friends, raised eyebrows from the family, and well-meaning, well-organised but toxic school rules, the resistance gained strength. The resistance is always there – it’s evident in everything you do.

The resistance is the voice in the back of our head telling us to back off, be careful, go slow, compromise. The resistance is writer’s block and putting jitters and every project that ever shipped late because people couldn’t stay on the same page long enough to get something out the door.

The lizard is resistance.

The lizard is a physical part of your brain, the pre-historic lump near the brain stem that is responsible for fear and rage and reproductive drive. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because her lizard brain told her to. Seriously Seth Godin is a genius. Learn more about the lizard brain here.

The lizard wants you to fail. And for most of us, we allow it.

It was because of the lizard I didn’t pursue being a journalist, advertising executive or photographer.

As we get older the lizard brain gets larger. We are all born with a lizard brain but we let it dictate us and control our thoughts. I didn’t know it until now but the lizard took control of every aspect of my being; it wrapped itself around me like a python and it breathed the life out of me.

I listened to the lizard when it told me I should return to Australia at aged 28 because I was getting too old and it was time to settle down. Hmm well not a lot has changed. I listened to it when I took roles that required no intelligence and certainly no university degree.

Yes I could go on. It’s getting a little depressing. I promise this does get better.

I want to protect and nurture Scarlett and tell her to never be afraid, never feel she has to conform or to look a certain way because well it’s er… safe. To have plenty of confidence and courage and to never feel she’s unworthy and dispensable. To be the leader not the follower and to allow her voice to be heard.

As Seth Godin explains, the amygdala isn’t going away. Your lizard brain is here to stay, and your job is to figure out how to quiet it and ignore it.

Right now the lizard is asleep in Scarlett. And I want it to remain that way.

I want her to conquer the world, sing, paint, write, photograph, create and express without reservation or fear. Show off her inner qualities, her irresistibility and to act like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

As for me, I’m at the beginning of my life too and that lizard can go shed its tail.

And yes I DID take that photograph of Scarlett. 🙂 The lizard was asleep when I took it.

~ by Shae on April 1, 2012.

11 Responses to “Why I Wish I Could Start My Life Again And Why You Need To Stop Listening To The Lizard”

  1. Hi Shae,

    I couldn’t agree with you more we have so much to learn from children – I learn all the time from mine (son aged 10 & daughter aged 8). It’s both humbling and empowering at the same time.

    Lovely photo!

    take care & best wishes,

  2. Fantastic Shae and so true – we never stop learning and should never close our minds to what is out there
    keep writing Shae

    the blonde

  3. Glad you enjoyed the article. I feel very adamant about this. xx

  4. I loved this book too and it came along at the perfect time for me to quit some things and move on! You are a gifted writer Shae, I loved how you weaved this story and your neice is gorgeous!

  5. Shae,

    What a beautiful picture, the lighting make it very capturing. Again, this piece was very enjoyable to read. This lizard may take over but if it’s not too late we can luckily be awakened to its presence and regain control of our own mind and soul. In the end we are responsible for making our lives what they become, let’s take control then!

  6. Shae,

    you constantly amaze me with your beautiful writing. You are so gifted. love the pic of beautiful Scarlett.

  7. Must read that book ASAP! I believe he is a genius as well. I don’t have any regrets, per se, but at 33 I feel wiser than 20 year old Laura, just don’t tell her that! 😉 I am up for the challenge of quieting the lizard right along with you. Oh… I also was just given the gift of a nephew 8 weeks ago, and I totally get how you feel, they are so I incredibly precious!

  8. I’d say you’re getting “broody” in the finest sense of the term. Not to be too bold, but there’s no other way to say it: if now is not the actual time to actually go ahead with having your own child in the conventional way, I recommend getting your eggs harvested while you’re in your prime so that you can act on it when and if you’re ready, with or without a man. There have been marvelous strides taken with fertility of late. Lovely as it is, you don’t want to live your life thru others’. Take it from someone who’s been there and bought the T-shirt. Oh how I wish those options (and knowledge) were available then are as now.
    Cousin Lynda of Canada.

  9. I really wish that i could go back in time to start over since i am still a Good single guy that really wanted to get married to have a family since the women of today are Nothing at all like the real Good old fashioned women were that were much Nicer and much Easier to meet at that time just like the way our family members had it.

  10. Well i definitely would have been married with a Good wife and family since meeting a Good woman years ago could’ve been a lot Easier for me since the women back then were so much Nicer than today which is a very Good reason why many of us men are still single now since the women have really Changed now from years ago.

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